Sunday, August 14, 2005

The War on Saddam

The War on Saddam.

Sally Vator : War Correspondent


As you may have noticed by now, coalition forces have invaded Saddam. Two nights ago, crack troops crossed over the border from a neighbour, probably Mrs Hassan from number 34, and made their way up his left trouser leg laying siege to the strategic port of Nee Qap.

Acting on information received from a mole on his left thigh, the troops executed a daring raid up his Ali Men Tari canal in an attempt to 'decapitate' him. It isn't certain if the attack was successful but considering there is still evidence of bodily processes it seems unlikely.

Due to the nature of the campaign the number of troops are restricted but we are doing all we can to administer humanitarian aid, possibly a paracetamol or two.

Aid workers have been warned that Saddam is known to have produced dangerous chemicals, such as adrenalin and a particularly lethal form of Methane Gas. Special care should be taken around the twin towns of Bue toqz and the Anul Sphin Qatr ring road.

The War on Saddam, News update 24th Mar

Sally Vator : War correspondent


Following initial reports of easy progress the allies have met stiff resistance while trying to penetrate Niq ur el Astiq.

A full frontal assault on the Wire Fronts was pushed back when it encountered a huge warhead hidden in thick shrub surrounding an area known locally as the Pu Biq region.

The Anul Sphin Qatr ring road is now open again causing several gas alerts in the early hours of the morning, our reporter confirmed.

In the south, aid is being held up, by pockets of resistence, around the Ankh El Soq penninsula. Troops fear that after a lack of activity in the area that residue from the long walk taken by Saddam last thursday may make progress hazardous... Gas masks have been issued to aid workers in the area.

The War on Saddam, News update 25th Mar

Sally Vator : War correspondent


Several 'crack' troops are feared missing after they entered Gunjib Umm Fluph on the outskirts of Anul Sphin Qatr today. Although Saddam is thought to have a hidden supply of Andrex it seems he hasn’t used any yet.